Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Scientists Try to Fool Tardy Doomsday
London (FN) - Officials working for the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists announced today that they had advanced the Doomday Clock by two minutes in a desperate attempt to keep Doomsday on time for appointments."I have been working with Doomsday since the 1950s and the constant delays, procrastination and tardiness just drives me nuts. We hear that Doomsday is coming, so we schedule a lunch, but then Doomsday doesn't show. How are we expected to cater events properly? It's just bad manners if you ask me," said bulletin editor Mark Strauss.
Former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev added his voice to the list of complaints about Doomsday's tardiness.
"All through the Soviet era, we kept hearing 'oh, set off another nuclear test and Doomsday will come right away'. So we'd do test after test but no Doomsday. Now the Soviet Union is gone and we never got to meet Doomsday," said Gorbachev.
The current plan hatched by the Bulletin's staff involves artificially advancing the Doomsday Clock by two minutes to fool Doomsday into thinking he's late when he's actually right on time.
"I did this bit on my roommate in college and it worked great. The main thing is to keep it all on the down-low. If Doomsday knows his clock is two minutes fast, then he'll just adjust and we'll be right back where we started. So if you see Doomsday, remember ix-nay on the ast-fay ock-clay," said Strauss.
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posted by Mentok @ 1:27 PM,
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